WEAPONS of MARS DESTRUCTION (written some time before the Iraq invasion, as Colin Powell addressed the UN, and reprinted here): The Mars Rover lands on the red planet. Martians, microscopic to the human eye are appalled at this unexpected invasion. The rock hammers pulverize a town and cause casualties. The Martians use their extensive contacts around the solar system, and investigate this terror over the next two years and come to a conclusion about the Earth. There are many terrorist Earthlings, but one seems more dangerous that all the rest. They send this communiqué to the White House, with this message and ultimatum: “We have intelligence that tells us you are hiding WMD’s. Disclose them, and turn them over. Now. Or face consequences.” In the White House. “ But we don’t have any weapons of Mars destruction. All we have is enough crap to blow our planet into oblivion. But man we don’t have a damn thing that can get it to Mars. Better show them what we have. ” Two weeks later. “Do you think we are fools? You pretend to cooperate. You have ignored our warnings to disarm. Thus we are launching a pre-emptive strike to liberate the American people from your oppression, to liberate America. “To the American people. Do not be afraid. We intend to liberate you, to show you a better way of life, a system, a civilization, and a way of governance, that we on Mars know to be superior to that which you experience under the warlordship of Dubya Bush. We have superior technology and advanced, precision weapons, that will shock and awe your leaders into surrender. Surrender now, warlord terrorist supporter. Surrender your Weapons of Mars Destruction.” Two weeks later. America is overrun with Martians. The precision strikes have taken out not only the White House, but every McDonald’s in the land. Disneyland is in shambles. The cultural icons of America's 100 years of recalled history, mostly roadside attractions featured in Zippy, are spared. But the country is in chaos.... Shall I continue?